


Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

by miceenscene



Series: Shakarian - A Descent into Madness [2]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Grieving, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 2: Arrival, Mutual Pining, You know what that is? Growth., email exchange, we're playing reeeal fast and loose with technology here folks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-09-28 00:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17172671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miceenscene/pseuds/miceenscene
Summary: To: ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.caFrom: GarVakarian@citadelsec.orgDate: 16.02.83 02:58Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing ImportantBody:I don’t know why I’m bothering to write this. It’s not as though you can respond. It probably won’t even send. But there’s just so much and if you were here, you’d be the one I’d want to talk to about it all.





	1. Chapter 1

To:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

From:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 14.26.83 22:47

Subject: Nothing Important

Body:

Garrus,

I was thinking about you on mission today. Thought I’d ‘drop a line’ as my grandmother used to say. Hope you’re doing good. How are things back at C-Sec? Gotta admit, it’s kinda boring around here now that you and some of the team shipped off. Or maybe it’s boring just doing the usual Alliance runs instead of chasing a rogue spectre across the galaxy. (Liara and Tali say hi, by the way.)

We should grab a drink the next time I’m at the Citadel. I’ll buy.

-Shepard

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 14.27.83 21:11

Subject: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Hey Shepard, 

It’s good to hear from you. I know what you mean. C-Sec is very much the same as I left it. Days of red tape and regulations and procedures. It’s enough to make you sick. Well, enough to make me sick anyway. As crazy as they were, it makes me miss the days on the Normandy. They were good days. It was a good team.

I saw Wrex the other day. An officer brought him in for threatening a salarian down in Chora’s Den. Took an entire negotiation team to get him to calm down. I kept thinking about how you’d done it all by yourself on Virmire. Not sure if that makes you brave or crazy.

I’ll take you up on that drink. Do you know when you’ll be this way?

-Garrus

 

To:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

From:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 14.29.83 05:23

Subject: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

G,

I’m pretty sure it just makes me crazy. Maybe even insane.

Since you’re not on Alliance payroll anymore, I can’t tell you exactly. We’re cleaning up some leftover geth out here in the Terminus systems. But I think I still have enough control of this ship that we could head to the Citadel afterwards. It’d certainly be a nicer place to take shore leave than Omega.

It shouldn’t take us very long. I keep telling Hackett that these distress calls rarely turn out true. But since when does anyone listen to me? 

I’ll let you know when we have an exact date. See you soon!

-J

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 14.29.83 08:04

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Looking forward to it. -G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 14.30.83 23:55

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

J,

A detective told me about a new club that opened in Zakera. We could go there, if you want. I have a few days of leave myself if you don’t mind seeing me for more than just a drink. Now that the galaxy isn’t on the brink of destruction anymore, I can show you around the Citadel properly. I’ve found few spots on this station that I quite like. I think you would too. You and the whole team, of course. See you soon. 

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 14.31.83 09:02

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Shepard,

I just heard about the Normandy. Are you okay? 

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 14.31.83 14:09

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

S,

There’s so many conflicting reports. Some say everything’s a total loss. Others say that most everyone made it out. You’re probably busy making sure your crew is safe. When you get a chance, let me know you’re safe too? 

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 14.31.83 23:34

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Shepard. Please. -G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 16.02.83 02:58

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

I don’t know why I’m bothering to write this. It’s not as though you can respond. It probably won’t even send. But there’s just so much and if you were here, you’d be the one I’d want to talk to about it all.

Your funeral was today. You would have hated it. The council spoke. At length. Talking about your bravery and sacrifice. As if any of them know a thing about either of those. None of the Normandy crew were allowed to speak. I guess they were afraid we’d say something wrong… or truthful.

But that’s okay. We had our own gathering. A real memorial. Rented out that club in Zakera and drank the place dry. Swapping stories and memories of you. I know that the galaxy is going to regret losing you. But it’s nice to know that there are at least a small group of us that are going to miss you.

Anderson told us about the Skyllian Blitz. I had no idea it got that bad. I suppose there are a lot of things about you I never knew. Never will. I’m not entirely sure that Joker’s stories were all true. But they were funny. 

I told them about Dr. Saleon. About you not letting me take the shot and our fight afterwards. You were right. Of course you were. I thought about telling them about that night in the Seaside Island Beach Pool. But I wanted something just for myself. Some part of your story that only the two of us knew. Even if that makes me selfish. I hope you won’t mind.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 17.27.83 00:26

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

It’s been almost three months and some days I still can’t believe that you’re gone.

Death comes for us all. But you didn’t get a fair fight. You should have been able to face it head on, baring your teeth and yelling into the long dark. Instead it snuck up on you. I suppose that’s the only way it knew it would win.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 18.29.83 14:28

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Do you know what the Alliance has done? Of course you don’t. They have plastered the Citadel with pictures and vids of you. I can hardly turn a corner without seeing your face. 

It’s their new recruitment campaign. Images of you standing bravely on a hilltop. Holding a flag. One has you using a gun that I know you were never trained on. It’s insulting. But apparently it’s working. Alliance enlistment is at an all time high. Hardly surprising. You always were good at getting people to join you.

They put up an adboard on the building outside my kitchen window. Can’t even get a drink of water without you watching like a very literal ghost. 

I can’t imagine that you agreed to this. That you’d ever agree to this. It’s probably why they waited till you were gone. Cowards.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 19.11.83 01:01

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

You’re not smiling in any of them. It’s a shame.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 20.18.83 17:29

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Someone graffitied a mustache on one of your posters in the lower markets. You would have loved it.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 02.06.84 17:40

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

They took your ads down. Months ago, it would have been the best news I’d heard in weeks. And it is, I suppose. At least now they’re not exploiting your memory for their gain. You’ve been replaced by some generic smiling humans. 

I mailed Anderson to see if he knew why. But I haven’t heard back. Not surprising. I know he’s busy. 

The change over feels awfully sudden. I’ll find out why they took you down. The Alliance never does anything without a reason.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 02.07.84 22:19

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

I miss the ads. I guess I didn’t realize that seeing your face everywhere was comforting in a way. You’ve just vanished overnight. Again.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 02.18.84 00:33

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

I didn’t think it could get any worse. I thought that your exploitation was as bad as it could get. But the galaxy continues to defy me and find a lower level to sink to.

Shepard, they called Sovereign a rogue geth attack. The Council themselves. Just today as they unveiled your damn plaque. Anderson looked like he was about to be sick. But he stood up there with the rest of the hypocrites as they spouted their new spin on the Citadel attack.

They called you a liar. ‘Misguided claims’ I think were their exact words. You saved their lives and they’ve already forgotten. You haven’t even been gone a year.

I’m almost glad that you’re not here to suffer this treatment. You deserved better. And you’re going to get better if I have anything to say about it.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 03.26.84 22:43

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

I finally got through to Anderson. Well, I practically accosted him in the street. You would have had something better to say, something that would have made a difference. I called him a dirty traitor, said that he was betraying your legacy. Which he is.

That was all I could get in before his bodyguards separated us. Can’t say that I’ve ever been on this side of processing at C-Sec before today.

What a disgrace.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 04.19.84 19:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Today my supervisor told me that if I keep making a fuss to the Council about this “whole geth attack business” there would be consequences for my job. Bold of him to assume that I care at this point.

-G

 

To:  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

Date: 14.31.84 03:08

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

1 year ago today exactly.

And I can still picture exactly where I was when I heard the news. Still smell the coffee. Still sense the shift in gravity. Still feel the ragged hole blown through my chest.

Should I have gotten past this more by now? The rest of the Normandy crew certainly seems to have. They’ve all scattered to the corners of the galaxy. Too far away to even call, let alone meet for a drink.

No one else cares. I can yell till I’m blue in the face and the Council will still be louder than me. The public has already decided what happened during the Citadel attack. It shouldn’t surprise me at this point which story they chose.

It shouldn’t even matter to me. I shouldn’t care that politicians are refusing the acknowledge the terrifying truth staring them in the face. I shouldn’t care that the council are speaking poorly of my old commander. I shouldn’t care that no one else seems to mourn or remember you. But I do. I just can’t seem to let go.

Working on the Normandy, working with you, changed me. More than I ever realized. I think I’ve been fooling myself this past year trying to simply go back to my life before you. But there is no going back. There is only forward.

I don’t think I can stomach staying around here to watch them drag your memory down. I need to find somewhere that I can be useful. Somewhere that I can put some good into this miserable galaxy.

And if I’m the only one who remembers you, then so be it. I’ll make you proud, Shepard, till I see you again.

-Garrus

 

To:  [ GarVakarian@citadelsec.org ](mailto:GarVakarian@citadelsec.org)

From:  [ JShepard@cerberusholdings.co ](mailto:JShepard@cerberusholdings.co)

Date: 16.26.85 23:47

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Nothing Important

Body:

Garrus,

Please be safe.

-Shepard

 

DELIVERY FAILURE: Recipient Address No Longer Active


	2. Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

To:  [ JShepard@cerberusholdings.co ](mailto:JShepard@cerberusholdings.co)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 02.09.86 23:47

Subject: You okay?

Body:

     I don’t want to overstep my bounds or anything. But--well, let’s just say we were all worried when you were offline for those two days on Aratoht. Me most of all. You have a very bad habit of getting into the toughest scrapes when I’m not around to share the fun. Glad you came back in one piece this time. Ready for the next mission whenever you are. 

     -G

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ JShepard@cerberusholdings.co ](mailto:JShepard@cerberusholdings.co)

Date: 02.09.86 23:49

Subject: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Thanks, Garrus. It’s not out of bounds at all. I appreciate it. A lot. And hey, the next time I come across a tough scrape, I’ll just ask nicely if they mind waiting for my friend to show up. He shouldn’t be long.

     Though as to the next mission… can you come up to my cabin? There’s some things I need to catch everyone up on. Might as well start with you. 

     -S

 

To:  [ JShepard@cerberusholdings.co ](mailto:JShepard@cerberusholdings.co)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 02.09.86 23:49

Subject: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     That sounds foreboding. -G

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ JShepard@cerberusholdings.co ](mailto:JShepard@cerberusholdings.co)

Date: 02.09.86 23:50

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     It’s… apt. -S

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 02.20.86 09:13

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Garrus,

     Alliance gave me a new mail address. Something about being unable to give me my old one because of being dead, I don’t know. I told the guy it’d be my full name the next time I died and came back. He didn’t find it very funny. I thought people from Edmonton were supposed to be funny.

     -Shepard

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 02.20.86 11:24

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Shepard,

     Your new address has been noted. If it makes you feel better,  _ I _ think it’s funny. And I don’t even know where Edmonton is.

     -Garrus

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 02.23.86 14:17

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     G,

     Hope you got my note about the address change. You’re probably really busy out there being not under house arrest. If you have time, I’d love to hear all about it. Talk to you soon.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Cc:  [ JShepard@cerberusholdings.co ](mailto:JShepard@cerberusholdings.co) ;  [ ShepardJa@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 02.23.86 14:32

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     S,

     There’s some sort of technical issue. I don’t know if it’s my end or yours. Maybe one of your old addresses will work?

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 02.24.86 19:22

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Garrus, Is everything okay? -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 02.24.86 21:43

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Well, this is almost comical. And uncomfortably familiar. -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 02.26.86 09:31

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     G,

     I’ve just now realized that perhaps the reason why you didn’t reply to my mail was because it never actually sent. I haven’t received any mails that haven’t been from Anderson in the last six days. And that never happens. I probably should have known that from the beginning… being grounded and all. 

     It’s supposed to be a punishment so I understand why no mail. But just don’t give me a computer then. Why this facade that it’s not exactly what it is??

     Anyway, glad it’s just me and not you.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 02.26.86 10:33

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     S,

     Good, I’m glad you figured it out. Didn’t want you to think I was ignoring you. I’ll keep trying on my end. Maybe they’ll slip up or have pity and let something through. Doubtful, but can’t hurt to try.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 02.28.86 04:17

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     You probably won’t receive this, but I woke up a few minutes ago and thought of you. It’s bright as day now thanks to the new fallen snow on the ground. Kept thinking about that time on Noveria when you wouldn’t stop complaining about the weather. Said it was cold enough to freeze your mandibles off. And then your face when Wrex threw all that snow at you? I think that was the first time you made me laugh.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 02.28.86 06:21

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Noveria was miserable. I know I said I’d follow you anywhere, but I might have to draw a line if there’s snow involved next time. A turian has to have standards, even one like me.

     I remember that day. I was about ready to strangle Wrex. My mandibles were in fact numb and some snow got under my armor thanks to him, soaked my undersuit. But it was worth it for the look on your face and to hear you laugh. You’re right, I’d never heard it before that day. It’s nice.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.02.86 15:56

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Some kids built a snowman in the park that I can see from my window. They tried to have a snowball fight, but discovered that it takes a lot longer to make good snowballs than the vids would have you believe. However, one little girl set about it for almost an hour and then climbed up a tree and snipered her friends. She had pretty good aim too. Seemed like something you would have done.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 03.02.86 17:04

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     She has a lot of potential. The Alliance should recruit her. Good snipers start training early. Was there a child who ran around in the middle of the battle and consistently put themselves in the worst parts with very little regard for personal safety? Because that’s what you would do.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.05.86 01:01

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Hackett, are you reading these? Anderson too, I bet. Maybe even the whole Alliance Parliament. I could make your lives a living hell, you know that, right?

     -S

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.06.86 01:07

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     To the Sexiest Turian I’ve Ever Met, 

     You don’t know how my body burns for you. I think all the time about being with you--sweaty, writhing, intertwined. Your strong hands on my waist. Your flexible tongue along my neck. No human man could ever compare to your magnificent--LET ME SEND EMAILS OR TAKE AWAY THE COMPUTER, HACKETT. OR IT GETS WORSE FROM HERE.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 03.05.86 05:46

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Shepard… While I admire your dedication to tormenting your superiors, this is a ...unique and alarming way of doing it. 

     Also, if I’m really the “Sexiest Turian” you’ve ever met, I can’t decide if I should be flattered or you should meet more turians.

     This was a very strange start to the day. 

     -G 

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.06.86 10:48

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I think it’s my handler who’s reading my mails, if his face this morning was anything to go on. Last night’s threat stands, Lieutenant Vega. I will wage a private war with your inbox. I have the time. And a whole thesaurus full of euphemisms for vagina. You’ve been warned.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 03.06.86 12:02

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Lt. Vega,

     I don’t know if you’re receiving my half of this conversation at all. But if you are, run. Run now. And don’t look back.

     -G. Vakarian

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.07.86 16:11

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     You were warned.

     The heart of her femininity, center, core, junction, groin, flower, entrance, yoni (which sounds like a yogurt), mons, sheath, crease, slit, crevice (jesus, it’s a vagina not the Mariana trench), honeypot, folds, orifice (remember that alien in the sixth  _ Star Wars _ movie, the pit thing? That’s all I can picture), mouth of her arousal, canal, vulva, and, my personal favorite, throbbing jazz cafe. Read that one in a pulp novel once and had to put the book down I was laughing so hard.

     There’s more where that came from. I’m just getting warmed up.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 03.07.86 19:19

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I know there’s no way that you could know this. But I am at my father’s house right now. And your mail popped up on my visor while in the middle of a conversation with him. There’s not really a good way to tell anyone that your former commander has sent you a list of human idioms for female reproductive anatomy. Let alone my very traditional father. He knows something happened, but I think I managed to not convey exactly what happened. Hopefully.

     Also…  _ throbbing jazz cafe _ ? Why are humans so strange about their own bodies?

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.08.86 23:34

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Oh god. The mails might be going out, but just I can’t receive any back. If so, I’m… very sorry, Garrus. Shit.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 03.09.86 00:05

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Thank the Spirits. Not that I don’t like hearing from you, Shepard. But I don’t ever want to explain to my family any more euphamatic lists you decide to send. Even if I do find them personally hilarious. Especially because I find them personally hilarious.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.15.86 15:29

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I really hope someone on Palaven is listening to you, Garrus. Whether this miserable galaxy wants to admit it or not, Reckoning is coming. And I hope to God that someone somewhere is preparing for it.

     If anyone could get them to listen, it’d be you.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

Date: 03.15.86 20:12

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     You know if you’d sent me that a week ago, I don’t think I would have believed you. But for the first time, someone  _ has _ listened. And even more surprising, it was my father. I told him everything (well, not  _ everything _ , but everything pertaining to the Reapers) and he heard me and is doing something about it. I have a meeting with the Primarch next week. I’m shocked. Three years trying to get someone to listen, to do something, and now, I have a real chance at that.

     I hope I don’t screw it up.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.20.86 19:14

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Well, I’ve been here a month now. Really had a chance to establish a daily routine. Thought you might like to hear all about it. In the morning, I work out for a few hours, see what mails were deigned worthy of being forwarded to me. Typically, none. Then the Lieutenant brings me breakfast and a poorly made coffee. Sometimes he sticks around, sometimes not. Then lunch and then the afternoon is just filled to the brim with not having meetings, and not having missions, and not having a crew to manage. Really, I don’t know when I’ll have time to write again. There’s just so much on my plate. Then dinner and then  _ finally _ I have some time to myself in the evening. It’s important to have a few spare moments for self-reflection. Gives me a chance to think over the last couple of years and parse just how I ended up here.

     And you know what I’ve decided?

     I should have let Alenko touch the damn beacon back on Eden Prime.

     -S

 

     P.S. I know for a fact now that Lt. Vega reads these messages. (Don’t leave your datapad unattended with an Engineer, Jimmy Boy.) My inbox was flooded with messages that I actually  _ wanted _ to see. But he came back before I got a chance to find any of yours amongst the hoard, Garrus. Sorry.

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 03.20.86 19:48

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I’ll just have to keep sending messages then. Maybe next time one of mine will be at the top. 

     I understand you’re frustrated, and rightfully so. But I don’t even want to think about where the galaxy would be if Alenko was the one with the prothean vision in his head. Not to mention where Alenko would be; he has enough headaches already, literally. No, I’m afraid it had to be you. Anyone else would have fallen short.

     I know you’re not getting these, but in case Lt. Vega is interested, my meeting with the Primarch went surprisingly well. I’ve been given a task force. It’s a token gesture more than anything, but what they don’t know is that I’m going to do something with it. As much as I can get away with and then some. That’s the Shepard way after all.

     -Advisor Vakarian

     (That’s my new official title. What have you done to me, Shepard? I used to be a rogue detective-turned-vigilante and now I have a title. Also a new mail address, but I have forwarding set up. Wouldn’t want to miss your next installment of anatomy idioms.)

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.21.86 02:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I forgot one part of my routine. Wake up at 0200, stare at ceiling for several hours and try to talk myself back to sleep. It never works.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 03.21.86 03:02

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Of course the one person in the galaxy immune to your persuasive powers would be you. In my experience, if you just can’t sleep eventually at some point you get tired enough that your body takes over for your brain and shuts down. It’s not great, but sometimes that’s all we have.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.25.86 02:43

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     There are 109 ceiling tiles in my room.  -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 03.25.86 06:27

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     When I couldn’t sleep on Omega, I would sit at my window and count the drug deals in the alley across the street. Record was 27 in 12 hours.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 03.27.86 03:12

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Number 37 has a water stain. My mail to maintenance was met with the usual silence.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 03.27.86 05:48

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Do you remember when your hamster escaped its cage and got into the duct work? It’s a miracle that that little guy survived a trip in between decks. I’ll never forget Miranda’s expression when he dropped down into her water glass during lunch. I think I still have the picture that Jack took.

     -G

Attached: MIRANDA_VS_HAMSTER_FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT.png, 897kb

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 04.02.86 04:28

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     At what point should I just give up and become completely nocturnal? It’s not like my days are very important to anyone. Not anymore. And even if they were listening to me, it’s not like I can do anything to help prepare or plan. Not from in here. Maybe if I slept during the day the dreams wouldn’t be as bad.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 04.02.86 05:44

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     It’s very frustrating to be able to hear from you but not respond. I’m glad that it’s not just complete radio silence. But even half a galaxy away I can tell that you’re struggling. And I can’t do anything to help. 

     If I could, I would. Anything.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 04.04.86 03:36

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I’ve been thinking. Maybe writing it down will help. 

     The dreams are pretty much the same every night. It’s the Collector Base. And I’m running. Always running. As the base is exploding around me. I only ever hear you, you want me to run faster. And I try but it feels like I can’t get enough air. I can see the Normandy ahead and I run for it but then the ground starts to fall out from under me and I’m falling and falling and my lungs are burning and I can hear the hissing as the oxygen escapes my suit and I wake up.

     Sorry if you read that. But I hope it’ll help.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 04.04.86 06:11

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Don’t ever apologize for asking for my help. I hope this makes a difference for you. Certainly bottling it up isn’t going to change anything.

     I wish I was better at these kinds of things. Well, if we’re listing wishes, I wish you could see my responses… and I wish you weren’t under house arrest in the first place. That would be better than this, even if all I could offer you is a listening ear.

     I hope it helped you.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 04.05.86 04:04

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     It didn’t. -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 04.05.86 05:45

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I’m so sorry, Jane. -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 04.11.86 23:16

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I haven’t heard from you in a while. Are you okay? ...not that you can respond or even see this at all. Hopefully, you’re sleeping at least a little bit. Maybe my lack of messages to wake up to is a good sign.

     I don’t know what to say. My days are busy now, but you’re never far from mind. I hope that somehow you know that.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 04.19.86 02:09

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I miss the  _ Normandy _ . I miss waking up cold and feeding my fish while I check the mails I got overnight. I miss the  _ shower _ , best work Cerberus has ever done, myself included. I miss EDI chastising Joker for not getting enough sleep and him insisting that he’d gotten by fine without her for 26 years. I miss Gardner’s quasi-scientific experiments that he dared to call food at times. I miss Mordin singing under his breath as he’d look at slides on the microscope. I miss Tali’s chipper voice when she really gets going about quantum mechanics. I miss Samara’s otherworldly calm presence and Thane’s eyes when he’s lost in a memory. I miss the way Jack and Miranda think that no one knows they have hate sex in the bathroom when they get drunk. I miss Kasumi’s little scoops of gossip that she’d be so proud to pass on. I miss Zaeed’s inappropriate dinner time mercenary job stories, and the way Legion’s head flaps would move when he really had to think about something. I miss Grunt making me macaroni pictures of famous battles to put on the fridge; his rendition of Shanxi is still my favorite. I miss having something to do. I miss having a purpose. I miss having a point.

     And above all of that, I miss you, Garrus. So much so it feels like someone chopped off my right arm. Honestly, if I had to choose, I think you’d win over the arm.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 04.19.86 05:49

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I miss it too. All of it. Never thought that I’d miss the battery and calibrating that damn canon. But it was methodical. I knew what I was doing. Here… half the time I feel like I’m just pretending, keeping a steady face, and pressing forward, hoping that it doesn’t fall down around me. Like a very  _ very _ high-stakes game of poker.

     I miss you too, Shepard. It’s like a physical ache at times. I miss being on your six. I miss watching you tear the Council a new one. I miss the way you smile when you think no one’s looking. I miss your freckles and your laugh. I miss the slight panic I always get when you throw yourself into the thick of battle. And I miss watching you walk out triumphant on the other side. Spirits, I even miss your dancing. I don’t know how I got so lucky as to be on your team, and I’m just damn glad you’ve kept me around all these years. Hope they aren’t all behind me.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 04.25.86 13:43

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Do you remember the first time you saved my life? You probably don’t. It wasn’t really anything special. I don’t even remember the name of the planet anymore, or whether it was the Blue Suns or the Blood Pack. But it was a tough fight. My gun had overheated, and stupidly, I was looking down at it. And then you suddenly grabbed my arm and yanked me nearly off my feet. I was about to ask ‘what the hell was that for’ when I saw the shot hit my shields instead of my head. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.

     So thank you, Garrus. For that time and for all the others that at this point are too many to count.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 04.25.86 18:31

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I’m sorry to say I don’t remember that. But I do remember the first time you saved my life. It was Feros, all those geth everywhere. I wasn’t watching my three properly and one of the shock troopers got too close. I barely heard you yell my name before you tackled me and threw us both into cover just in time. I know it’s odd, but I remember very clearly the way your hair felt when it brushed my face. I’d never touched hair before. I didn’t expect it to be so soft. Or to smell so nice. Like flowers. A decisive contrast with the wall of muscle that easily knocked a turian off his feet.

     But that’s Commander Shepard for you.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 05.02.86 22:19

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I’ve been allowed access to a selection of texts via my omnitool. Which may sound like nothing, but I swear is a vast improvement. It’s mostly classic literature, but they do have a book about learning to understand Turian. Might as well, have nothing better to do with my time.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.02.86 22:21

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I shudder to think of what Alliance approved Turian language curriculum is like. Best of luck. Or  _ verum scopum _ . Literally translated it’s true aim, but it means good luck.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 05.08.86 00:56

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Three hundred thirty-two thousand, four hundred and eighty-seven. 

     That’s how many batarians I sacrificed that day on Aratoht.

     I’d killed a lot of people before then. I’m no stranger to making tough calls. But that day… it’s hard to even wrap my brain around the scale of the decision I made without a second thought. I’ve been saying this whole time that the Reapers gave me no choice. That’s not true. There was a choice. A system of batarians or the entire galaxy. It’s not a good choice. But it’s still a choice.

     Some might say that that choice makes itself, and in a way they’re right. But that person doesn’t have to look in the eyes of the family of the people they killed. Everyone matters to someone. Every death ripples out across the galaxy. And snuffing out three hundred thirty-two thousand, four hundred and eighty-seven in one go is… I launched a boulder into the lake essentially.

     Under any other circumstances, I’d be fighting for the Alliance to discharge me, retire me, hell, take me out back and put me down like an old dog. Three hundred thirty-two thousand, four hundred and eighty-seven people is a lot of blood to have on your hands. No wonder I can’t sleep.

     But the Reapers are still coming. Three hundred thirty-two thousand, four hundred and eighty-seven lives and all I did was buy time.

     Fuck.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.08.86 05:49

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     At the point we’re at now, buying time is the best any of us can do. We can’t stop them until they’re here. And however long you bought us, know it’s not being wasted here on Palaven. As small a comfort that is.

     There’s no prepping for what’s coming. Not really. Not for the size of this storm. But I think we’re a fair sight better now than we were three months ago. ...at least I hope so.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 05.13.86 12:19

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

_      Turiavi, aliena est.  _ _ Quare verba sunt, sicut ea? _

     Also, the lack of a Turian alphabet keyboard is really hampering my progress, I feel.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.13.86 20:06

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I don’t know why the words are like that. They just are. And whatever this curriculum is, it’s doing a terrible job of teaching you proper verb conjugations. But I appreciate the effort. Or here:  _ Bene opus Shepard. Ego superbus sum vobis.  _ Hopefully it won’t auto-translate it for you.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 05.16.86 21:55

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I found a Turian to English automatic text translator. However, I ran into a few issues. I wanted to say ‘I miss you’. But it translated to  _ Te desidero _ , which I suppose isn’t wholly inaccurate but not what I wanted. So I tried to change the phrase to ‘I am missing you’ and it became  _ Ego tibi defuit _ .

     Also not wholly inaccurate.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.16.86 23:22

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

_      Te desidero _ is not what you want. There’s not really a direct translation for what you’re looking for though, I don’t think. I’ll think about it when I have a chance. I’m sure there’s an equivalent.

     And you have not  _ defecit _ . Not by a long shot. Just  _ moratus est _ . That’s all.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 05.18.86 22:14

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

_      Nimis longe es a me. _ -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.18.86 22:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I don’t… that’s probably not what you’re looking for either.  _ Nimis longe es a me _ would be something that you’d say to a romantic partner. Though I appreciate the sentiment.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.18.86 23:59

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Unless… it would make sense that your curriculum would have the connotations of phrases as well as the direct translations. So… maybe you did mean  _ nimis longe es a me. _

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.19.86 00:10

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     But  _ why _ would you mean  _ nimis longe es a me _ for  _ me _ ?  -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.19.86 02:12

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Jane, I… you know that you’re one of the most important people in my life. You have been for a very long time. And I care for you a great deal, in a way I’ve never cared for anyone before or since. And while Omega-4 was probably, no definitely, the best I’ve ever, I don’t-- I know for a fact that you could absolutely find someone better than me, someone closer to home.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.19.86 02:14

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Oh. -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.19.86 03:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

_      Nimis longe ego sum a vobis.  _ -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 05.23.86 10:09

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Now that I’ve gotten a chance to know him, I have to say that Lt. Vega isn’t half as bad as I thought he’d be. And I’m not just saying that because I know he’ll read this. I think you’d like him, Garrus. He has an ego that nearly rivals the size of your own. Oh, I know the two of you will butt heads and get into some sort of pissing contest initially. But I think you’d get along famously once you get past that.

     Hopefully you two will get a chance to meet someday. Vega, ask Garrus about the time he broke into a swimming pool. It’s a great way to break the ice.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 05.23.86 12:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I wouldn’t have to get into a pissing contest if you hadn’t said his ego was nearly the size of mine. Now I have a reputation to maintain. Also,

     Lt. Vega,

     I have never broken into a swimming pool. The Commander is thinking of someone else.

     -G. Vakarian

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 05.31.86 01:04

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Garrus,

     Did I ever tell you that you’re my best friend? I don’t think I ever told you that. Damn. I might not ever get a chance to now. Well, on the off chance that these messages are somehow making it to your inbox, just know: you’re my best friend.

     I’ve had good friends before. Friends who’ve become like family to me. But never a true best friend in all 29 years of life (and 2 of death), till you.

     I don’t even know how it happened. Just sort of felt like one day I looked up and there you were, my best friend. As if you’d been there all along.

     Thank god you were brazen enough to go all the way to the council chambers to get your ass handed to you by Pallin that day. I don’t know what I would have done without you.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 06.01.86 05:54

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Well, you know me. Never know when to stop, especially if it means following the head of C-Sec up to the council chambers for a haranguing in front of Humanity’s golden girl.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 06.01.86 23:31

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     You’re my best friend too, Shepard. No one has had more impact on my life than you. I can hardly even fathom of where I’d be without you. Probably still resignedly frustrated with C-Sec.

     I don’t think I’ve ever understood someone, or been so understood by someone, as you. It’s effortless. At times I’d forget that everyone else wasn’t on the same wavelength all the time. All I’d have to do is glance at you and I know what you’re thinking. Add that to the very long list of things I miss about you.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 06.06.86 12:49

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I feel like the Reapers owe it to us to tell us how long it is till they invade. After all the crap we’ve put up with because of them, they owe us that much. It’d be nice to know ahead of time that way I can use my vacation days before they show up.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 06.06.86 19:34

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Oh, the Alliance didn’t tell you? The Reapers decided to not invade after all. They sent a note a couple of days ago, they saw all our prep work here on Palaven and decided it wasn’t worth the effort. So they surrendered. Anyway, I’m on my way to break you out of Alliance jail right now. And then we’ll go find the rest of our friends and I don’t know, hunt down pirates or something. Or maybe just relax somewhere warm and get really good at trick shots. I can show you how to hit a bottle over your shoulder.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 06.19.86 06:26

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I’m watching the sunrise this morning. It’s breathtaking. I’ve always liked early mornings. It’s still now, the world not quite woken up yet. There’s room for quiet thoughts.

     I was thinking about how very little feels like you’d expect. Dying certainly didn’t feel like I expected it to. It wasn’t any sort of great thing, no bright light or rising souls. Just gone. Like a candle being blown out.

     I don’t even know what I thought resurrection would feel like. But I don’t think it was waking up with the world’s worst hangover combined with an all body sensation of when your foot goes to sleep.

     And love. Love feels very different than what I thought it did. It’s not giddy heart rates or feverish daydreams. At least it’s not for me. It’s steady and it’s dependable. It feels more natural than breathing. It snuck up on me, I just looked up and it’s like it’s always been there. Of course it was. It’s coming home.

     -J 

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 06.19.86 23:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I know what you mean. Very little anymore feels like I expect it to either. Command never did, still doesn’t. It feels like I’m racking my brain for an answer that just doesn’t exist. Making a best guess estimate and hoping that it’s enough.

     Grieving for you didn’t feel like I thought it would either. It wasn’t this unrelenting sadness, or a heart breaking. Just… at times it felt like if I thought about it for too long, I would drown right there at my desk. Felt like that when I lost my mother too. At least I got one of you back.

     Love is coming home. How do you always know just the right thing to say? 

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 06.20.86 01:00

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

_      Volo ut sint vobis in domum suam _ . -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 06.28.86 17:02

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Vega broke me out today. He said it was Anderson’s doing and that it wasn’t a break out at all, but he never replies to these emails. So here I can call it what I want. And I want to call it a prison break. 

     We went to that park across the street for about an hour. I cannot even begin to describe how good it felt to feel real sunshine. I took my shoes off at one point just to feel the grass beneath my feet. I had the wind in my hair and heard the birds in the trees and I could have cried.

     He asked me a little bit about what I knew about the Reapers. Seems that the admirals and the parliament have been keeping what I’ve been telling them to themselves. Of course they have. He didn’t know anything, just the official lines of the council and the alliance. I told him as much as I could, security clearances be damned.  _ Someone _ on Earth besides me should know. Even if it is just Lt. Jimmy Vega. (No offense, James.)

     As we were leaving, I couldn’t help but think about what’s probably going to happen to that park when the Reapers come. It’s a damn shame.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 06.28.86 22:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I’ve had the same thoughts myself. I look in the faces of the recruits around me and it’s like looking at ghosts. They barely know what’s coming. Not that we really know either, but we’ve had the best view of anyone.

     War is inevitable, and it is going to be brutal for everyone and everything.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 07.03.86 05:13

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Did you know the first time I realized that your voice is  _ damn _ attractive was way back on the SR1? We were scouting out a Blue Suns base, sleeping in shifts, waiting for that assassin to emerge. You had just woken up and all you said was ‘good morning’. But I remembered actually thinking the words,  _ Jeez Louise. _

     I probably should have said something sooner… or said anything at all. One night before almost certain death isn’t exactly saying anything lasting.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 07.03.86 05:41

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I did not know that. I don’t even remember that either. Is that why you would hang around the Mako and ask me so many questions? Because you liked the sound of my voice? If I’d known, I would have… No, I probably wouldn’t have had the quad to flirt with you, I’m ashamed to admit.

     It’s a little strange this set up we have. I feel like I’m sneaking a look at messages that were sent to me. It’s probably more than a little foolish to keep replying after all these months. But I can’t help but fear that the one time I don’t would have been the time that worked.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 07.04.86 00:12

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I remember on Virmire in the run up to meet with the salarians, there was this damn assault drone that refused to die. And I watched you jump off of a boulder and tackle it to the ground. You pinned it with your boot and emptied your clip in it, yelling at it the whole time with your teeth ferociously bared and sweat making your hair stick to your forehead. I don’t know what it says about me, but that was the moment I realized that you were  _ damn _ attractive, to borrow your phrase.

     I know this message won’t go through, but I promise that the next time I see you, Shepard, I will say something. For both our sakes. Not that our lives have been very predictable so far, but it’s about to become even less so. I don’t want to miss any more chances.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 07.09.86 23:41

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I feel bad that I’ve just now realized this, but I didn’t take my space hamster off the ship when I had to hand it over to the Alliance. NO ONE’S BEEN TAKING CARE OF HIM FOR FIVE MONTHS! (Vega, is there anything you can do about this???)

     First, my fish kept dying. And now I’ve abandoned my hamster. What’s next? Adopt a stray cat and then feed it to a varren???

     Do you think you-know-who has kept an eye on him? Or would they have taken her off the ship by now?

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 07.10.86 05:54

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     If they take her off the ship, there is no more ship. So maybe she has?

     But even if she hasn’t, I wouldn’t put it past your hamster to have survived and even thrived this long. He’s a scrappy little ball of fur. Rather like his owner.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 07.20.86 22:50

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Happy five months of imprisonment to me. I wonder how long do I have to be a prisoner before I get a gold watch?

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 07.21.86 05:28

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I believe it’s six months when you get the gold watch.

     I met someone today that I think you’d like, General Adrien Victus. Honestly, he reminded me a little of you. Maybe a touch reckless, and that’s coming from  _ me _ , but dedicated to his team and getting the job done. Perhaps you two will get a chance to meet someday. Who knows what you could accomplish if you worked together.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 07.25.86 21:08

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I suppose the people who say it’s worth it to watch the sunset have a point. I had nothing better to do today, as usual, so I did just that. My window’s eastern facing and it was still worth the time. Watched the sky turn from blue to yellow to orange to pink to purple. It was beautiful. But it would have been better if you were here to see it with me.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 07.25.86 23:47

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Someday, once the Alliance has pulled their fringe out of their sheathes, I’ll bring you to Palaven. You will have to wear a radiation suit, unfortunately, but there’s a valley not too far from Cipritine that I’d love to show you. The view is breathtaking at sunset. I’d go there with my family quite often as a child. Haven’t been in a long time. It’d be nice to return with you and watch the sunset together. And talk of danger and war in only the past tense.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 07.30.86 13:57

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Those kids came back today. The ones that built the snowman? They had a water balloon fight this time. Sniper girl went up her tree again and almost made it thru the whole battle unscathed. But then a little boy got in a lucky shot with the last balloon. Could hear her hollering from across the street. 

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 07.30.86 22:20

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I read your message to Victus. It made him laugh. He said, ‘Of course she was yelling, she’s a sniper. They’re very whiny when they get shot.’ I feel I must disagree, on principle.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 07.31.86 00:42

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     In the second world war here on Earth, England evacuated their children from their cities and hid them in the countryside to protect them during the Blitz. Where do we send the children when the entire galaxy is under attack?

     I’ve been here for months now and nothing is being done. Earth is not prepared for war. We’re not even prepared for an attack. I understand they’re scared. I understand that I’m asking them to believe something terrifying, something that is so much easier to pretend isn’t coming.

     But it’s not the leaders that are going to pay the price for their negligence, for their hesitance. It’s going to be the children. The most vulnerable populations are going to suffer the most. And that’s what makes me the most angry.

     Sovereign infiltrating the Citadel should have been enough proof. We’ve had almost three whole years that could have been spent preparing for their invasion. And nothing has changed. 

     I’ve spent my months here trying to figure out what I could have done differently, what words might have convinced them, what  _ will _ convince them now. But they don’t want to listen. And at the end of the day, I can’t make them.

     I don’t think I’ve ever felt so powerless as I have these past five months here.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 07.31.86 05:08

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     You’re right. You’ve been right this whole time. 

     I can perhaps understand them not believing you when it was just us after a rogue spectre. But Sovereign should have changed everything. And it did for a little while. It did until you died. Then it was just much more convenient to pretend it never happened and go back to business as usual. That’s why I left the Citadel, it’s why I went to Omega. I couldn’t stand by and just be powerless.

     I’m convinced that there’s nothing more that you could have done. I think that History will be kind to you, Shepard. People of the future will look back at our leaders and wonder how they could have ignored you. We just have to work to make sure that there’s a History left to remember you.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 08.04.86 07:25

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Is blue your favorite color? Or did it just work out that way with your colony markings?

     When did you decide that you liked being a sniper?

     Did you always want to be a career soldier?

     What’s the case that you’re the most proud of from your C-Sec days?

     Did you and Solana get along well as kids?

     Is  _ Die For A Cause _ really your favorite song?

     Can you play a musical instrument?

     What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

     I have many, many more questions still. I hope someday I get a chance to ask them of you.

     -S

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 08.04.86 23:43

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     I don’t know which came first, my favorite color or everything I owned being blue. But I think it just happened to have worked out that way.

     It was pretty early on in my compulsory service. My father had me training on sniper rifles for a while before that, but I never liked it till I was part of a squad. I liked being able to see everything that was happening and know the best way to protect my teammates.

     It’s a little different than on Earth, with the compulsory service and all. But when I was very young I wanted to be a painter.

     It was a kidnapping. By the time it hit my desk, the little asari girl had been gone for almost a week. Statistics tell us that if we haven’t found the kid in the first day, they’re more than likely dead. But I just didn’t want to give up. And I happened across a maid who was missed in initial questioning. Found the little girl and was able to return her to her parents, alive and well. They sent me a Solstice card that year and every year since.

     I think we did, but I was also the younger brother. She may have different opinions. You’ll have to ask her when you meet her someday.

     Yes. It’s a great song. The  _ best _ song, in fact.

     I can take a blade of grass and make it make a whistling noise if I hold it and blow just right. Does that count?

     You were there for that one. It was when you picked me up on Omega. 7 days, 14 hours. I’d really rather not repeat that.

     I’m in a barrack on Manae right now for a few inspections, currently trying to get some rest. (Forgot how much  _ noise _ turians make in their sleep.) This was much nicer to think about than anything else on my mind. I’ll have to come up with some questions for you.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 08.06.86 04:28

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Is it just a human thing to go almost solely by your last name? Or an Alliance thing? Or a Shepard thing?

     If you weren’t a soldier, what would you be?

     What’s the longest  _ you _ ’ve been without sleep?

     Tell me about your favorite mission, pre-Normandy.

     I admit I did some research when I first joined the SR1. Did you have any idea that you’d succeed during the Skyllian Blitz?

     Top Five Rants To Authority Figures, in order please.

     Do you miss that scar that used to run through your eyebrow? Also, how’d you get it?

     Is your hair color rare? I don’t think I’ve ever seen another with hair like yours.

     When all of this is done, where do you want to live? (Please don’t say Noveria.)

     Victus is several bunks down from me and I can still hear him clearly. I might be mailing you about ceiling tiles here soon enough.

     -G

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 08.12.86 02:02

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Six months since I last saw you. I didn’t tell you there on the dock, but I already missed you even before you left. I thought I’d just need time and it would dim. But it hasn’t, not one bit.

     Do you ever think about what happened before the Omega-4 Relay? Cause I do. I know I was the one who thought of it, proposed it. But honestly, I had no clue what to expect. I knew there was risk, potential for catastrophic failure. It could have been the worst thing to ever happen to us.

     But it wasn’t. It was right. I’m more than a little shocked at how right it was. But I shouldn’t have been, shouldn’t be. Of course it was right. It’s us. It’s you.

     I wish there had been time to talk about it. I wish I wasn’t been separated from you for six months now. I want to see you again. But even more so I want to know what you think now that you’ve had a chance to step back and get a wider vantage.

     Maybe you haven’t even had time to think about it. You haven’t been in the same room for six months with little more than your thoughts. Maybe even if you had time, you haven’t thought about it at all. I know turians think about these kinds of things differently than humans. I can’t exactly blame you for that. 

     It wasn’t supposed to be anything at all. Only, what was you said, a few moments just for us before throwing ourselves into hell for the good of the galaxy? If that’s all you wanted, all you do want now, I fully understand. 

     But for my part, I… want more. I’d like to be more.

     The end of existence as we know it is hovering on the horizon and you are what I want to think about. What I  _ am _ thinking about. Is it as foolish as it feels to want in the midst of the End for something to go right? Just once? 

     I hope not.

     -J

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 08.12.86 04:49

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Jane. Of course I’ve thought about it. How could I not think about it? I have thought of that night more times than I can count. I’m still confounded, bewildered that of anyone that you could have chosen to be with, you chose me. 

     And… you’re still choosing me.

     If anything this forced split has made me realize that much faster how much I care for you. The world is falling down around us and  _ you _ are what I want.  _ You _ are what I’llkkkkkmmm,

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 08.13.86 23:37

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Lt. Vega, Reapers seen on Palaven. Infiltration wave, heavy artillery, and ground soldiers focused on major cities. Hierarchy fleet deployed to full strength, seeking aid. Please, Lieutenant. 

     -Advisor Vakarian

DELIVERY FAILURE: Invalid Recipient Address

 

To:  [ GVak1431@publicmail.co.om ](mailto:GVak1431@omepubmail.co)

From:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

Date: 08.14.86 06:39

Subject: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Something’s wrong. I can hear more activity out in the hall than usual, especially for this hour.

     This is it, isn’t it? They’re here.

     Garrus, if I don’t see you--just know, I’ll find you on the other side. Whether that’s this war or this lifetime. I’ll find you.

     -Jane

 

To:  [ ShepardJan@alliancenavy.gov.ca ](mailto:ShepardJa@alliance.gov.ca)

From:  [ VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pala ](mailto:VakarianGa@hierarchyfleet.gov.pa)

Date: 08.17.86 00:06

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: You okay?

Body:

     Not if I find you first. 

     -Garrus

DELIVERY SUCCESSFUL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Verum scopum - true aim  
> Turiavi, aliena est. Quare verba sunt, sicut ea? - Turian is strange. Why are the words like that?  
> Bene opus Shepard. Ego superbus sum vobis - Good work, Shepard. I'm proud of you.  
> Te desidero - I want you  
> Ego tibi defuit - I have failed  
> defecit - failed  
> moratus est - delayed  
> Nimis longe es a me. - Too far are you from me.  
> Nimis longe ego sum a vobis. - Too far am I from you. (I figured the sentiment would have a traditional response.)  
> Volo ut sint vobis in domum suam. - I want to be your home.

**Author's Note:**

> Garrus' reference to the Seaside Island Beach Pool, and Shepard's mention of the time Garrus broke into a pool is a reference to my other fanfic: The Only Pool on the Citadel.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts below! Or find me on tumblr: miceenscene. <3, Kaitlyn


End file.
